Five Steps

Many times Christian folks enter into a relationship without truly knowing what a godly relationship should look like. SO we just go with the flow and see what happens. On top of that we watch worldly shows such as Love and Hip Hop, Empire, House Wives of Atlanta etc and they plant seeds in our hearts and mind about relationships. We have to be real careful about what we read, watch, and listen too. If brothers and sisters in Christ are not careful we will have a whole bunch of standards for our relationships based on the world standards and not God’s standards.

I was chatting with a brother in Christ about what a godly relationship should look like. We both agreed that brothers and sisters in Christ are not entering into godly relationships because of lack of knowledge about what a godly relationship is, lack of patience, premature intimacy, and simply wanting to enjoy the moment. The problem with wanting to enjoy the moment and the other things listed is that it is careless, reckless and someone ALWAYS gets hurt in the process, it never fails! 

As we continued to talk my brother in Christ said, “Sis I have these 5 steps that I came up with when truly wanting to be in God’s will when it comes to being in a relationship.” I was thinking he had some weak list of steps that was not going to have any substance too it, but, I still wanted to read the 5 steps. I told him to send it to me and this is what he sent me:

"5 step process (checklist) when one truly wanting to be In Gods will with a helpmate should follow...ready lol you got yo pen and paper handy

1) Association (how did yall meet, what was the encounter, situation, environment, those things must be considered) and this is more in a spiritual manner not worldly

2) Friendship (are you establishing a friendship with Christ at the wheel being the center, He is the chief cornerstone that holds everything in life 2gthr...HALLELUJAH) Christ must be the complete reason why you are friends Christ and His word must be the only factor of getting to know...getting to know Christ together as friends is far more needed and important than getting to know each other, b/c if your spiritually unbalanced as friends and/or unequally yoked as friends how can you even dare think about being in a relationship 

3) Courtship (this is where the male after truly grinding and pursuing Christ 2gthr as friends goes before The Lord inquires of Him by praying and supplicating 1st asking God, "Lord if this is Your will, I humbly ask may I pursue Your daughter as a helpmate, give me wisdom and discernment to have discretion *making a Godly decision*, never my will but Your will" and with a sincere heart and absolute faith God will lead and guide the mans steps and answer Him...Praise God this is good stuff to my ears, glory to God

4) Engagement (this is where it has become super serious, God has bestowed favor upon the man and He has found His good thing, Christ being the focal obedience being enforced, and increasing in God 2gthr has become apparent and The Lords will has become made manifest)

Lastly 5) Marriage....(becoming one heir one flesh un-defiling the bed...this is Gods best at hand the ultimate perfect will of union ship between His creation) class dismissed for today lol"

After I was done reading all the steps, I was shocked at how much SUBSTANCE it held. I remember being in the car with my momma and reading all the steps to her. My momma has a lot of wisdom when it comes to godly relationships and I value her opinion a lot. I wanted her thoughts on the 5 steps. My mom said, “I wouldn’t add or take away anything from that list. I give it an A+!” I told my brother in Christ that the list really blessed me and put many things into perspective for me. This was almost 2 years ago. I have been holding on to this list and keeping it all to myself and recently the Lord put it on my heart to share the list. The Lord reminded me of how I am always PRAYING for brothers and sisters in Christ to have God honoring relationships and one day marriages, however, how can one do better when they do not know better? 

I hope this list blesses you like it blessed me. Our relationships should NOT look like the worlds! We are SALT and LIGHT and should be setting an example for others in our relationships. What does your relationship look like with your girlfriend and/or boyfriend? Never be afraid to REEVALUATE your relationship and intentionally go before the Lord in prayer in order to work on things. What you practice now is what you will practice in a MARRIAGE! 

3 Months In and LEARNING

Maybe it’s just me BUT I could of swore I was the most selfless, caring, kind, and most patient person there was TILL I entered my courtship and started realizing….Mhmmmm I am not so selfless and my patience isn’t longer than the blink of an eye LOL.

5 Things I have learned about myself since I have been in my courtship...The 5 things I have learned will be at the end!

#1When it's that time of the month and I don’t want to be bothered…and he does something silly and I just want to explode and I do explode 

#2It’s just one of those days, when I want to be all alone…Don’t take it personal BUT I NEED SOME SPACE aka ME TIME BUT I still love you baby

#3When I know I am in the wrong BUT I do not want to apologize BUT I know I have to apologize and after I apologize I just want to say 

#4Ok Okay sooooooo thats how you really feel…

#5When we have an INTENSE argument and I am in my feelings/emotions

1. I explode at least once a month maybe more and he still puts up with me!!!

2. When you spend so much time with a person and realize you are not spending time with your self.  ME TIME IS A PART OF SELF CARE LADIES. Enjoy your time with yourself!

3. Pride is REAL and I have seen how dangerous it can be. Learning to apologize and humble myself is an amazing thing.

4. When my boyfriend tells me something about myself that is true BUT I am not ready to face it and I am feeling salty about it and have this look on my face that clearly states "I am salty" and I HAVE TO PRAY TO BECOME UNSALTY lol

5. I hate arguing with my boyfriend BUT I have realized sometime we just will not see eye to eye and that it is okay and it does not have to be the end of the world or world war 20. I have learned that it is about working through what ever it is we are not agreeing on. Its also about a word that is still hard for me to say #COMPROMISE !!!!!

HELLOOOOO Courtship

I walked outside my apartment building and I see a man walking towards me with a bouquet of flowers. I met this man on March 28^th 2014 at Bible study. September 28^th 2014, made 6 months I had been friends with this man. Within those 6 months he had sent me flowers from LA all the way to my job in NY, so when I saw him walking towards me with flowers I did not think anything of it except, “Awww how sweet, he got me flowers and I love flowers.” Well, boy was I wrong. When he finally reach me he said, “Wendiss Star Rush would you do me the honor of courting me with the intent of marriage?” and I said, “Can I think about it?” and he said, “Yes.” So I started listing all the good, the bad and the ugly things and I was trying to figure out IF finally my time had come to let go of my gift of singleness. In the end I told him, “Yes, I will enter into a courtship with you, with the intent of marriage.” Ok Ok Ok …lets take it back about 6 years when I did not even know what the word courtship meant and discuss a little bit of my journey of loving my singleness and growing in JESUS:

College

            It was so hard to stay single during college because it seemed like everybody around me was in a relationship and quite naturally since I was focused on other people I wanted what other people had. However, instead of entering into a relationship without substance I decided to “talk” to people in college but nothing was ever serious. It wasn’t until my 2^nd year of college that my big cousin Robert told me about a book that he read and gave me a copy to read. The name of the book was Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris. The Lord used this book to help me to see how HE wants things to be done in a relationship. I realized that along the way I picked up bad habits about what a “relationship” is suppose to look like and for the most part I only really knew how a “worldly” relationship looked. In this book Pastor Harris really broke down what a God HONORING courtship/relationship looks like. All of my ideas and standards for a relationship changed. I begin to realize my worth as a woman and realized singleness was not a bad thing. I realized that FRIENDSHIP was a big part of the pie, which many people I knew did not take seriously. I use to think that after a couple of weeks of knowing a man it was fine to enter into a relationship.  I still had bad habits that needed to change and my mind still needed to be renewed by the Lord when it came to so many aspects of “relationships”. I must say that when I started to get in my Word and grow in my relationship with Jesus, I grew spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I was finally beginning to become content in my singleness and viewing singleness as a gift. It did not happen over night BUT I had to STOP looking at other people relationships and thinking I was missing out. I learned that everything that looks “good” is NOT good. Moreover, I realized that most of the relationships I was looking at was not trying to honor the Lord and they were caught up in infatuation and lust.

            Ok let’s jump to my last year of college. My last year of college my friend Christina Q. asked me to co-lead a Bible study called Joyful Black Christian (JBC) and I told her no. I am so glad the Lord changed my mind and that I became a Bible study leader because the Lord used that time to build up my CHARACTER. During that time the Lord showed me how unready I was to be in a relationship. It is so funny how we think we are “ready” and then we run ahead of the Lord’s timing and enter into a relationship. I learned that the, “RIGHT THING, at the WRONG TIME, is still the WRONG THING.” Timing is everything. I needed to learn how to trust the Lord’s timing even if I did not understand it. I begin to pray and ask the Lord to prepare me for my husband NOT boyfriend. I begin to ask the Lord to prepare me to be a good wife NOT girlfriend. The truth is we put so much emphasis on boyfriend and girlfriend SHIPs that when we enter a marriage we are not ready for a MARRIAGE-ship. I begin to pray about what I wanted in a husband and did not want. I remember hearing a pastor say if you pray for a man you will get just that “a man” and he said God is a detailed God and that folks should pray in detail. I started praying with MORE detail asking the Lord to give me a patient, kind, and husband that will love me like Christ love the church. I started to read Proverbs 31 and started praying about being a Proverbs 31 type of woman one-day wife. I realized that singleness is not a time of boredom or a time to “talk” to people and test the waters but a time of preparation and character building. 

After college

            After college I was so content in my singleness and just enjoying my friends and Jesus. However, I would still have moments of “Ummmmm, so I want a boo now” and those were some of my worst moments because in those moments I became weak and made poor decisions. ALL I can say is thank you JESUS for great accountability partners (Anisa and Christina) and sisters/friends (Alex, Rockie, Jordan, Nadine, Ash Q., KayKay, Amber and Martina N.) and most of all His mercy and grace.

              Ok ok ok let’s speed it up a bit. In February I planned to move to New York in June and then in March I met a man in Bible study and it changed my life. I could not believe that I was moving in less than 3 months and I met a man that I really liked. I was like, “Really, Lord, this is your timing?” I had to realize that the Lord works in mysterious ways. This man and I embarked on a friendship and not one of those 2 weeks friendships and then all of a sudden we are a couple. We remained friends for 6 months and grew in Christ together, made mistakes together, learned together, repented together, laughed together and grew more and more in friendship. I can’t stress enough how important a friendship is before you decide to be with a man or woman.

I was single for almost 6 years and it was the time I learned so much about myself and what I want and do not want. Sadly, so many people want to be in a “relationship” so bad that they do not experience the gift of singleness and learning who they are. I learned that it is good to WAIT on the Lord and his timing.

                                                                        Present Day

            Ok now I am in a courtship and it MAY NOT work out or it MAY end in marriage. The truth is I do not know how it will end. I do know that we both plan to HONOR the Lord and HONOR each other in this season and either way it goes, whether it ends in marriage or not, we will both be okay. It is something about doing things in a way that is pleasing to the Lord that leaves both parties emotionally stable no matter what the outcome. However, when we take things into our own hands and are premature, someone always gets hurt. IF you are single and are unhappy with being single, please change your perspective of how you view singleness. If you are in a relationship and are a Christian please EVALUATE your relationship according to what God says and not what the world says.

I am so glad to be in this season of my life and I can honestly say I enjoyed my season of singleness. I am excited to read Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to courtship with the man I am in a courtship with now. Thank you Chandler Dean Ingram for our friendship and now our courtship.

HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO COURTSHIP…

A LOVE STORY, FOR THE FEMALES/MALES

By Krystal Hawkins

"I was stumbling along the road in life’s journey when I came to a fork in the road. As I approached the fork in the road trying to decide which path to take, a very handsome king named World approached me and told me how beautiful I was and that I should go left and spend my life with him where he’d make me his queen and satisfy my desires. As I stand at the fork contemplating the direction of my life, World shows his love for me in promising me a long life where all of my dreams come true, my dream job, my dream car, my house and family. He tells me tho we just met, it was love at first sight and we’re made for each other. Then Jesus stepped in, telling me to go right and says He has a love that far surpasses all others. But my life with Him won’t be glamorous or easy. He says with Him I’ll have to die but I’ll live, I may be poor, but I’ll be rich, I’ll suffer but I’ll have constant joy. As He speaks, He senses my confusion and as the world kissed my neck and whispered in my ear, Jesus says ‘I’ll just show you my love, wait right here’.

When He let them take Him in the garden of Gethsemane, He turned to me and said ‘I do it for you my love’. As He stood before the crowd and they punched and spit on Him, before allowing another blow to His swollen face, He turned and said “I’ll take it for you my love”. After every crack of the whip, He turned as blood dripped from His face and said ‘For you my love’. As a crown of thorns ripped the skin of His forehead, He looked up and said ‘this pain for you My love’. As the first nail pierced the flesh of His soft hand, He looked over to me and said “my wounds for you My love”. As He hung on the Cross slowly letting go of life, He looked past His crying mother at me and said “because I love you”.

As I looked at Jesus dying on the Cross, World came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek and said, ‘but don’t you need someone to hold you on a cold winter day, someone to text you just to say you’re beautiful and someone to take you to your favorite restaurant. You need someone to give you roses on Valentines, to make you feel special and sweep you off your feet. And before I knew it, I had walked AWAY from Jesus who hung there dying for me on the Cross and was walking hand in hand with world down his path. And world promised me many things, but he never promised to be faithful and true, to be patient and understanding and he never promised not to hurt me. So one day after I had gotten so low, so full from swine slops and so hurt, I left world and with a broken heart and a shattered spirit, I ran. I ran back to Jesus who was still on the Cross with Him arms stretched and dried blood on His brow, smiled at me and said warmly “I knew you’d be back My love. With eyes filled with tears and a heart filled with shame, I mustered a smile, climbed up on the cross and died with Him. But we rose together three days later-He with all power and authority and me with a new heart and a new spirit-His Spirit dwelling inside of me. So as we walk hand in hand together through life-I see His love in a beautiful butterfly, a passing cloud, 66 love letters, and through others. And even if I fall along our journey, He reaches out His right hand to pick me up, dust me off and keep walking as if He never saw it.

As iron sharpens iron, let us learn from each other and not let physical and instant gratification and attraction, steer us from the Only one who brings TRUE SATISFACTION."

FOR THE MALES 

"I was stumbling along the road in life’s journey when I came to a fork in the road. As I approached the fork in the road trying to decide which path to take, a very beautiful queen named World approached me and told me how handsome I was and that I should go left and spend my life with her where she’d make me her King and satisfy my desires. 

As I stand at the fork contemplating the direction of my life, World shows her love for me in promising me a long life where all of my dreams come true, my dream job, my dream car, my house and family. She tells me tho we just met, it was love at first sight and we’re made for each other. Then Jesus stepped in, telling me to go right and says He has a love that far surpasses all others. But my life with Him won’t be glamorous or easy. He says with Him I’ll have to die but I’ll live, I may be poor, but I’ll be rich, I’ll suffer but I’ll have constant joy. As He speaks, He senses my confusion and as the world kissed my neck and whispered in my ear, Jesus says ‘I’ll just show you my love, wait right here’.

When He let them take Him in the garden of Gethsemane, He turned to me and said ‘I do it for you my love’. As He stood before the crowd and they punched and spit on Him, before allowing another blow to His swollen face, He turned and said “I’ll take it for you my love”. After every crack of the whip, He turned as blood dripped from His face and said ‘For you my love’. As a crown of thorns ripped the skin of His forehead, He looked up and said ‘this pain for you My love’. As the first nail pierced the flesh of His soft hand, He looked over to me and said “my wounds for you My love”. As He hung on the Cross slowly letting go of life, He looked past His crying mother at me and said “because I love you”.

As I looked at Jesus dying on the Cross, World came up from behind me, wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek and said, ‘but don’t you need someone to hold you on a cold winter day, someone to text you just to say "you’re the man" and someone to take you to your favorite restaurant. You need someone to call your Valentines, to make you feel special and sweep you off your feet. And before I knew it, I had walked AWAY from Jesus who hung there dying for me on the Cross and was walking hand in hand with world down her path. And world promised me many things, but she never promised to be faithful and true, to be patient and understanding and she never promised not to hurt me. So one day after I had gotten so low, so full from swine slops and so hurt, I left world and with a broken heart and a shattered spirit, I ran. I ran back to Jesus who was still on the Cross with Him arms stretched and dried blood on His brow, smiled at me and said warmly “I knew you’d be back My love. With eyes filled with tears and a heart filled with shame, I mustered a smile, climbed up on the cross and died with Him. 

But we rose together three days later-He with all power and authority and me with a new heart and a new spirit-His Spirit dwelling inside of me. So as we walk hand in hand together through life-I see His love in a beautiful butterfly, a passing cloud, 66 love letters, and through others. And even if I fall along our journey, He reaches out His right hand to pick me up, dust me off and keep walking as if He never saw it.

As iron sharpens iron, let us learn from each other and not let physical and instant gratification and attraction, steer us from the Only one who brings TRUE SATISFACTION."

Sex, Sex, SEX

By Wendiss Star

             What did you learn growing up about sex? Did you learn that sex was bad and that you should stay away from sex? Did your parents teach you about sex? Did your church tell you about sex? Did TV teach you about sex? When it comes to the topic of sex it is important to understand where you FIRST LEARNED about sex and who presented what to you and how they presented it. Many people growing up either learned about sex from their friends, TV, or church. Not many people I have talk to ever said their parents taught them about sex. Most people who stories I have heard goes a little something like this, “I was told not to have sex till marriage and that if I did I am going to hell.” Now the problem with this message is that no one is explaining to the boy or girl WHY he or she should wait to have sex and the IMPORTANCE of waiting. Instead we tell our children JUST DON’T HAVE SEX without any explanation and we foolishly expect them to wait. Consequently, people do not wait and often times they end up with this notion of sex that is negative and think sex is this bad, bad thing.

Sex has NEVER been a bad thing. The TRUTH about sex is it is GOOD, it is BEAUTIFUL and it is a GIFT from God.

Before we can go any further we have to get two things straight.

1. What is sex ?

Sex is a Blessing

Sex is an enjoyable Gift from God

Sex is a covenant

Sex is a soul tie

2. Who did God create sex for?

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. ³ The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

1 Corinthians 7:2-4

Ok now that we understand that sex is NOT bad and that God created sex for man and woman to enjoy in MARRIAGE we can proceed. 

          “Some people have the mistaken notion that God is ANTI-SEX. In fact, He’s outspokenly PRO-SEX. He invented it. What an incredible thought! PASSIONATE sex was God’s Idea. He isn’t embarrassed by it. Song of Songs is an entire book in the Bible dedicated to CELEBRATING pure sex in marriage” (Joshua Harris). Joshua Harris is one of my favorite authors and in his book Sex is Not the Problem, Lust is he paints a picture of sex being this wonderful thing given to us by God. Sadly, many people think God is trying to STOP them from having a good time. When in reality God is trying to PROTECT people from the emotional, physical and spiritual side effects that come with sex when we CHOOSE to have it outside of marriage. The problem is that as humans we think we know better than God and we make up in our mind how things should go. We say waiting till marriage is too hard or we say I don’t see the value or point in waiting till marriage so I am just going to do me. Then there’s the group of people who reject God all together and live by their own set of morals and standards. Then my favorite group is the folks who claim they cant wait till marriage because they got “NEEDS.” Whelp the truth is whatever group we fall into one thing that is not going to change is God’s STANDARD for sex and its our choice to accept it or reject it.

             I believe it is important to understand that if you have choose to WAIT till marriage that is a beautiful thing. However, it is important to understand that just because you have decided to wait does not mean your urges wait. Sexual urges do not disappear just because you decide to wait till marriage to have sex, trust me I know. However, if not dealt with properly our urges control us.

I want to make one thing clear really quick. Sexual urges are not bad and we should not be ashamed. When those urges come we should thank The Lord and then ask him to help us deal with the urges in a way that is pleasing to him. In the words of my sister in Christ Jackie Hill Perry, “ I know you wanna do it, I know you wanna have ACTIVE WORSHIP .” This video she made relates to a lot of us “I know Im a Christian but I wanna “do it”

             Finally, for all those people who got “NEEDS” who do you think gave you your SEXUAL APPETITE? God is the one who gives us a sexual appetite. This might sound real crazy but God wants you to have sex and lots of it. He just put one condition on it, which is marriage. Maybe we don’t understand why The Lord said wait till marriage. But one thing I have learned is that when The Lord tells us NOT to do something it is for a good reason and we have to TRUST him. It is kind of like when we are kids and an adult tells us not to touch the stove. We are kids so we don’t understand why we shouldn’t do it but we have to trust them and not touch the stove. Nevertheless, there is always that one kid who just have to touch the stove and end up burned. God does not want us to end up burned but the truth is some of us will get burned. The question is how many times do you have to be burned to learn the lesson? The answer to this question is different for each of us. The only thing that is the same for ALL of us is God’s grace and mercy and forgiveness. IF YOU ARE ABOUT THIS LIFE AND WANT TO HONOR THE LORD THEN PRAY and ask the Lord to strengthen you to avoid sexual temptations. Also do not forget you are not fighting lust alone, The Holy Spirit is our HELPER.

"Everything is permissible"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"--but not everything is constructive.

1 Corinthians 10:23

          

2 YEARS LATER

By Wendiss Star

              
          Many of us believe that if we have not done something for a long period of time our behavior has changed. We believe that if we have stopped drinking, smoking etc for a long period of time we are “good” and do not have to worry about falling back into our old bad habits. However, CHANGED BEHAVIOR is not based on how LONG you have NOT done something. I have heard people say I haven’t done such and such in years and then months later they ended up doing such and such again, after years of NOT doing it. The problem with many of us today is we have not truly changed our bad behaviors we have just been hibernating. Consequently, a lot of folks become prideful and begin to think they are untouchable because they have stopped doing something for a period of time. Sadly, many Christians are walking around with a false sense of victory because they have not done something in a long time and they have allowed time to be an indictor of changed behavior instead of God’s Holy Spirit. It is true that our behavior can change temporarily and in that time we might not do certain things, but eventually we will end up back where we started. The reason most of us end up back where we started is because we think we are “good” because we have not done something in a long time and we stop GUARDING against the very things that caused us to fall.  Changed behavior starts on the INSIDE and is based on a CHANGE IN YOUR ATTITUDE, HEART, & MIND. Allow me to share with you how I was celibate for two years and had mistaken the length of my celibacy for true changed behavior and right standing with God. 

      “For those who think PURITY is simply about not having SEX for a long time... have a lot to learn about purity. Purity is not just the absence of sex during your single years...its the presence of RIGHT thinking, HEALTHY feelings and RIGHT actions. Purity is physical but its also mental, emotional and spiritual. However, when I was 19 years old I did not understand that. I simply thought that if I did not have sex for along time that I was doing good and that is what the Lord wanted. My purity story is not over, it is still being written but I would like to share a chapter of it with you...

        In my first couple of years in college I found myself in compromising situations. It all started with being "lonely" and wanting attention from men. I would allow the guy I was talking to, to visit me late at night. The late night visits led to premature intimacy. I was very lustful and the one thing I did not understand about lust is that it is NEVER satisfied. Lust is a beast and if you don’t kill it, it will kill you! So anyway back to the story...

          So one day I decided I wanted to do things God’s way and wait till marriage to have sex with one man. So I stopped having sex. I thought I was the definition of purity because I wasn’t having sex. Before I knew it, it had been two years that I hadn’t had sex. I remember how I use to tell other brothers and sisters in Christ HOW LONG I HAD NOT HAD SEX and I would feel very proud. I begin to let my guard down and lie to myself. I was basing purity on how long I had not had sex. To make a long story short, I ended up having sex again after two years of being celibate.”

     

        OKAY, so what is the moral of me sharing apart of my story? I do not want other brothers and sisters in Christ to walk around with a false sense of victory or feel proud just because they have not been doing something for a long period of time. Moreover, I do not want us to deceive ourselves into thinking we are “good” and become lazy and let down our guard. The Lord showed me that it does not matter HOW LONG YOU HAVE NOT DONE SOMETHING. The TRUTH is if we are not allowing The Lord to CHANGE us from the INSIDE, we have not truly been changed.  The Lord had to help me see that he was more concerned with my HEART being changed and not the amount of time I had stop having sex because that meant nothing without my attitude, heart and mind being changed. TRUE changed behavior is impossible without a change occurring on the inside of your heart. Have you TRULY changed or have you just been in hibernation ?

A Gift Opened TOO Early

By Wendiss Star

             "This will be the first time I tell this story outside some of my closest friends. But I felt it was time. It could help someone.

I grew up in a Christian home. I have amazing Godly parents and two wonderful older brothers. I went to church every Sunday, Wednesday, all the church camps, and basically any church event there was. All through my time in church I knew sex was bad outside of marriage. People would discuss about the disease you can get and/or unplanned pregnancy, but no one discussed in detail emotionally or mentally or exactly physically what sex can do when you decide to have it before marriage.

I always told myself that I would wait till marriage. That was the plan. That I one day will have something for my future forever that I've never given anyone before.

This past December I went through a very lonely and dry and just plain hard season. I didn't feel God. I didn't hear Him. I felt I was talking to a wall every time I prayed or anything. I felt like I had no friends to talk to or run to. I was all by myself. With the feeling of loneliness swallowing me, I opened a door from a past relationship that was meant to stay shut. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to feel someone who cared for me...was/is he the man God had for me? No. But I was lonely. I was hurting so I ran to another mans arms thinking he would complete me.

I thought that maybe "this will work, maybe this time we won't break up again." I started lying to my loved ones around me to see him. No one knew. That was a bad idea from the start.

I gave him the gift that should only be opened on your wedding day. I gave him something that he didn't even pay the price for. The pain and heartache I felt wasn't worth opening the gift early. I strictly remember breaking Gods heart. I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights after. And after we had sex, it was like a can of worms had been opened. Sex is a hungry desire that you can never satisfy once it's open. It's always going to leave you wanting more. That's strictly why God says it's for marriage, not just if y'all love each other, it's ONLY for marriage.

For the past few months I have mentally and emotionally going through hell. The lies were louder than the truth. I had thoughts that God didn't love me, He didn't want me, I'm worthless, I'm nothing, what Godly man would want me? What do I have to offer my future husband? I hated when I saw people talking bout virginity on social media cause I wasn't one anymore. Those thoughts were straight from hell. It wasn't until about a month ago I had a sister I was talking to about all this and she told me how God makes all things new. He made me NEW. With all my hurt and shame and guilt, He made me brand new and put His white robe back on me once again.

I know how hard it is to be a virgin in today's generation, but please don't give in. I regret my decision each day but there is nothing I can do but move forward and know that I have been forgiven at the foot of the cross."

                   As I read my sister in Christ story, I could not help but think to myself, “Another story about a gift being opened before its proper time.” It kind of reminds me of Christmas day, when a kid wakes up and rushes to the tree to begin opening their gifts. The reward for them waiting all of that time has finally come and they are overjoyed. BUT there is always that one kid who just could not wait to open their gifts, so they took matters into their own hands. We all know that as kids, it is nothing like waiting till the BIG DAY to open our gifts. A gift opened too early simply spoils the fun and leaves us disappointed. Too often the GIFT OF SEX is opened too early and we are left with soul ties, ETDs     (Emotionally transmitted diseases), STDs and sometime a crazy baby momma or daddy.

For those of you wondering about ETDs…here’s a video

I want to share three things that I believe lead to the gift of sex being opened too early and leave us with side effects such as ETDs, soul ties and the list goes on and on.

1. It all starts with CURIOSITY. I have talk to men and women who have stated the exact same words, “I was just curious.” Over the years I have learned that curiosity left unchecked can be harmful. Curiosity has left many women to care for a baby on their own, because the man was just “curious” he was not looking to start a family. Curiosity has left many men and women confused about their worth. Curiosity seems very harmless but it is often the very thing that gets a lot of us CAUGHT UP! How many times has your curiosity lead you down a road you never thought you would end up on? One of the reasons, the gift of sex is opened too early is simply because of curiosity that has been left unchecked. Do yourself a favor and put your curiosity in its proper place before it puts you in a situation that leaves you emotionally drained and full of regret!

2. What are you feeding your mind? Your mental diet can either make you stronger spiritually or leave you open to the enemy attacks. PLEASE understand that what you feed your mind is just as important as what you feed your body, if not more important. We often talk about having self-control when it comes to what we put in our body but do we ever talk about THOUGHT CONTROL? Thought control is vital to a healthy mental diet. If you want to have a healthy mental diet then you must pay attention to what you read, listen to and watch. Yes, what you read can make you lustful. Yes, the music you listen to can make you lustful. Yes, the movies and TV shows you watch can make you lustful. And just like curiosity, LUST left unchecked can be destructive. Lustful thoughts turn into LUSTFUL ACTIONS if you do not exercise thought control.

3. WRONG DESIRES = WRONG ACTIONS. Our desires cause us to do things because we desire (wish, want, crave, yearn) to do whatever that thing is. Often times we desire to have sex before its proper time and it leads to the gift being opened to early. Now do not get me wrong, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO HAVE SEX! God made sex and sex is good and sex is meant to be enjoyed…IN MARRIAGE! God gave us our sex drive. He is the reason we have a sexual appetite. However, we cannot just indulge in sex carelessly just because we have a strong desire to do it. Our desires, just like our thoughts, have to be controlled and brought into submission to the Holy Spirit.

                     

                      Maybe you have already opened your gift. Maybe your gift is still in the box. Maybe your gift was ALMOST open. Wherever you are right now…its okay! Take what you know and apply it. Do not allow curiosity to lead you astray. Exercise thought control daily. Bring your desires into submission to The Lord. My granny use to tell me, “When you know better you ought to do better.” Make the choice today to do BETTER.