I
walked outside my apartment building and I see a man walking towards me with a
bouquet of flowers. I met this man on March 28th 2014 at Bible
study. September 28th 2014, made 6 months I had been friends with
this man. Within those 6 months he had sent me flowers from LA all the way to
my job in NY, so when I saw him walking towards me with flowers I did not think
anything of it except, “Awww how sweet, he got me flowers and I love flowers.”
Well, boy was I wrong. When he finally reach me he said, “Wendiss Star Rush
would you do me the honor of courting me with the intent of marriage?” and I
said, “Can I think about it?” and he said, “Yes.” So I started listing all the
good, the bad and the ugly things and I was trying to figure out IF finally my
time had come to let go of my gift of singleness. In the end I told him, “Yes,
I will enter into a courtship with you, with the intent of marriage.” Ok Ok Ok
…lets take it back about 6 years when I did not even know what the word
courtship meant and discuss a little bit of my journey of loving my singleness
and growing in JESUS:
College
It
was so hard to stay single during college because it seemed like everybody
around me was in a relationship and quite naturally since I was focused on
other people I wanted what other people had. However, instead of entering into
a relationship without substance I decided to “talk” to people in college but
nothing was ever serious. It wasn’t until my 2nd year of college
that my big cousin Robert told me about a book that he read and gave me a copy
to read. The name of the book was Boy
Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship by Joshua Harris. The Lord used this
book to help me to see how HE wants things to be done in a relationship. I
realized that along the way I picked up bad habits about what a “relationship”
is suppose to look like and for the most part I only really knew how a “worldly”
relationship looked. In this book Pastor Harris really broke down what a God
HONORING courtship/relationship looks like. All of my ideas and standards for a
relationship changed. I begin to realize my worth as a woman and realized
singleness was not a bad thing. I realized that FRIENDSHIP was a big part of
the pie, which many people I knew did not take seriously. I use to think that
after a couple of weeks of knowing a man it was fine to enter into a
relationship. I still had bad
habits that needed to change and my mind still needed to be renewed by the Lord
when it came to so many aspects of “relationships”. I must say that when I
started to get in my Word and grow in my relationship with Jesus, I grew
spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I was finally beginning to become
content in my singleness and viewing singleness as a gift. It did not happen
over night BUT I had to STOP looking at other people relationships and thinking
I was missing out. I learned that everything that looks “good” is NOT good.
Moreover, I realized that most of the relationships I was looking at was not
trying to honor the Lord and they were caught up in infatuation and lust.
Ok
let’s jump to my last year of college. My last year of college my friend
Christina Q. asked me to co-lead a Bible study called Joyful Black Christian
(JBC) and I told her no. I am so glad the Lord changed my mind and that I
became a Bible study leader because the Lord used that time to build up my CHARACTER.
During that time the Lord showed me how unready I was to be in a relationship.
It is so funny how we think we are “ready” and then we run ahead of the Lord’s
timing and enter into a relationship. I learned that the, “RIGHT THING, at the
WRONG TIME, is still the WRONG THING.” Timing is everything. I needed to learn
how to trust the Lord’s timing even if I did not understand it. I begin to pray
and ask the Lord to prepare me for my husband NOT boyfriend. I begin to ask the
Lord to prepare me to be a good wife NOT girlfriend. The truth is we put so
much emphasis on boyfriend and girlfriend SHIPs that when we enter a marriage
we are not ready for a MARRIAGE-ship. I begin to pray about what I wanted in a
husband and did not want. I remember hearing a pastor say if you pray for a man
you will get just that “a man” and he said God is a detailed God and that folks
should pray in detail. I started praying with MORE detail asking the Lord to
give me a patient, kind, and husband that will love me like Christ love the
church. I started to read Proverbs 31 and started praying about being a
Proverbs 31 type of woman one-day wife. I realized that singleness is not a
time of boredom or a time to “talk” to people and test the waters but a time of
preparation and character building.
After college
After
college I was so content in my singleness and just enjoying my friends and
Jesus. However, I would still have moments of “Ummmmm, so I want a boo now” and
those were some of my worst moments because in those moments I became weak and
made poor decisions. ALL I can say is thank you JESUS for great accountability
partners (Anisa and Christina) and sisters/friends (Alex, Rockie, Jordan, Nadine,
Ash Q., KayKay, Amber and Martina N.) and most of all His mercy and grace.
Ok
ok ok let’s speed it up a bit. In February I planned to move to New York in
June and then in March I met a man in Bible study and it changed my life. I
could not believe that I was moving in less than 3 months and I met a man that
I really liked. I was like, “Really, Lord, this is your timing?” I had to
realize that the Lord works in mysterious ways. This man and I embarked on a
friendship and not one of those 2 weeks friendships and then all of a sudden we
are a couple. We remained friends for 6 months and grew in Christ together,
made mistakes together, learned together, repented together, laughed together
and grew more and more in friendship. I can’t stress enough how important a
friendship is before you decide to be with a man or woman.
I was single for almost 6 years and it was the time I
learned so much about myself and what I want and do not want. Sadly, so many
people want to be in a “relationship” so bad that they do not experience the
gift of singleness and learning who they are. I learned that it is good to WAIT
on the Lord and his timing.
Present Day
Ok
now I am in a courtship and it MAY NOT work out or it MAY end in marriage. The
truth is I do not know how it will end. I do know that we both plan to HONOR
the Lord and HONOR each other in this season and either way it goes, whether it
ends in marriage or not, we will both be okay. It is something about doing
things in a way that is pleasing to the Lord that leaves both parties
emotionally stable no matter what the outcome. However, when we take things
into our own hands and are premature, someone always gets hurt. IF you are
single and are unhappy with being single, please change your perspective of how
you view singleness. If you are in a relationship and are a Christian please
EVALUATE your relationship according to what God says and not what the world
says.
I am so glad to be in this season of my life and I can
honestly say I enjoyed my season of singleness. I am excited to read Boy Meets
Girl: Say Hello to courtship with the man I am in a courtship with now. Thank you
Chandler Dean Ingram for our friendship and now our courtship.
HELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOO COURTSHIP…
