A Gift Opened TOO Early

By Wendiss Star

             "This will be the first time I tell this story outside some of my closest friends. But I felt it was time. It could help someone.

I grew up in a Christian home. I have amazing Godly parents and two wonderful older brothers. I went to church every Sunday, Wednesday, all the church camps, and basically any church event there was. All through my time in church I knew sex was bad outside of marriage. People would discuss about the disease you can get and/or unplanned pregnancy, but no one discussed in detail emotionally or mentally or exactly physically what sex can do when you decide to have it before marriage.

I always told myself that I would wait till marriage. That was the plan. That I one day will have something for my future forever that I've never given anyone before.

This past December I went through a very lonely and dry and just plain hard season. I didn't feel God. I didn't hear Him. I felt I was talking to a wall every time I prayed or anything. I felt like I had no friends to talk to or run to. I was all by myself. With the feeling of loneliness swallowing me, I opened a door from a past relationship that was meant to stay shut. I wanted to feel loved. I wanted to feel someone who cared for me...was/is he the man God had for me? No. But I was lonely. I was hurting so I ran to another mans arms thinking he would complete me.

I thought that maybe "this will work, maybe this time we won't break up again." I started lying to my loved ones around me to see him. No one knew. That was a bad idea from the start.

I gave him the gift that should only be opened on your wedding day. I gave him something that he didn't even pay the price for. The pain and heartache I felt wasn't worth opening the gift early. I strictly remember breaking Gods heart. I cried myself to sleep that night and many nights after. And after we had sex, it was like a can of worms had been opened. Sex is a hungry desire that you can never satisfy once it's open. It's always going to leave you wanting more. That's strictly why God says it's for marriage, not just if y'all love each other, it's ONLY for marriage.

For the past few months I have mentally and emotionally going through hell. The lies were louder than the truth. I had thoughts that God didn't love me, He didn't want me, I'm worthless, I'm nothing, what Godly man would want me? What do I have to offer my future husband? I hated when I saw people talking bout virginity on social media cause I wasn't one anymore. Those thoughts were straight from hell. It wasn't until about a month ago I had a sister I was talking to about all this and she told me how God makes all things new. He made me NEW. With all my hurt and shame and guilt, He made me brand new and put His white robe back on me once again.

I know how hard it is to be a virgin in today's generation, but please don't give in. I regret my decision each day but there is nothing I can do but move forward and know that I have been forgiven at the foot of the cross."

                   As I read my sister in Christ story, I could not help but think to myself, “Another story about a gift being opened before its proper time.” It kind of reminds me of Christmas day, when a kid wakes up and rushes to the tree to begin opening their gifts. The reward for them waiting all of that time has finally come and they are overjoyed. BUT there is always that one kid who just could not wait to open their gifts, so they took matters into their own hands. We all know that as kids, it is nothing like waiting till the BIG DAY to open our gifts. A gift opened too early simply spoils the fun and leaves us disappointed. Too often the GIFT OF SEX is opened too early and we are left with soul ties, ETDs     (Emotionally transmitted diseases), STDs and sometime a crazy baby momma or daddy.

For those of you wondering about ETDs…here’s a video

I want to share three things that I believe lead to the gift of sex being opened too early and leave us with side effects such as ETDs, soul ties and the list goes on and on.

1. It all starts with CURIOSITY. I have talk to men and women who have stated the exact same words, “I was just curious.” Over the years I have learned that curiosity left unchecked can be harmful. Curiosity has left many women to care for a baby on their own, because the man was just “curious” he was not looking to start a family. Curiosity has left many men and women confused about their worth. Curiosity seems very harmless but it is often the very thing that gets a lot of us CAUGHT UP! How many times has your curiosity lead you down a road you never thought you would end up on? One of the reasons, the gift of sex is opened too early is simply because of curiosity that has been left unchecked. Do yourself a favor and put your curiosity in its proper place before it puts you in a situation that leaves you emotionally drained and full of regret!

2. What are you feeding your mind? Your mental diet can either make you stronger spiritually or leave you open to the enemy attacks. PLEASE understand that what you feed your mind is just as important as what you feed your body, if not more important. We often talk about having self-control when it comes to what we put in our body but do we ever talk about THOUGHT CONTROL? Thought control is vital to a healthy mental diet. If you want to have a healthy mental diet then you must pay attention to what you read, listen to and watch. Yes, what you read can make you lustful. Yes, the music you listen to can make you lustful. Yes, the movies and TV shows you watch can make you lustful. And just like curiosity, LUST left unchecked can be destructive. Lustful thoughts turn into LUSTFUL ACTIONS if you do not exercise thought control.

3. WRONG DESIRES = WRONG ACTIONS. Our desires cause us to do things because we desire (wish, want, crave, yearn) to do whatever that thing is. Often times we desire to have sex before its proper time and it leads to the gift being opened to early. Now do not get me wrong, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO HAVE SEX! God made sex and sex is good and sex is meant to be enjoyed…IN MARRIAGE! God gave us our sex drive. He is the reason we have a sexual appetite. However, we cannot just indulge in sex carelessly just because we have a strong desire to do it. Our desires, just like our thoughts, have to be controlled and brought into submission to the Holy Spirit.

                     

                      Maybe you have already opened your gift. Maybe your gift is still in the box. Maybe your gift was ALMOST open. Wherever you are right now…its okay! Take what you know and apply it. Do not allow curiosity to lead you astray. Exercise thought control daily. Bring your desires into submission to The Lord. My granny use to tell me, “When you know better you ought to do better.” Make the choice today to do BETTER. 

6 REASONS LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE DOESN’T WORK BY DANIELLE

"Today isn’t for the married ladies.  And since I’m guessing that is who usually reads my stuff, I’m hoping you’ll relate to this…and then forward it to your favorite single girlfriend.

Particularly that girlfriend who’s living with her man.

I was that girl.  Twenty-one years old and only one year into my career as a Design Engineer for a telecom company, I was laid off, and so was my boyfriend of two years.  We each had our own apartments, adorably situated about a 1/2 mile apart…and let’s be real, his was barely used anyway.  Unless it was laundry day.  Otherwise, we were always at my place.

So, when finances were going to get tight, we thought “Let’s be fiscally responsible and move in together.”

That boyfriend did become my husband.  We lived together 9 months before we got engaged, and 2 years before we got married.  Even bought a house together a year before the wedding date.

But, 9 years into marriage, having lived through some of the struggles that came as consequences to our earlier choices as a couple, that is one decision that I would NOT have made (and my husband says the same thing).

Now, here is where you are saying, “Why?  So many couples live together before they marry in our world today.  What is the big deal?”

Very true.  So many couples do live together before they marry.  Not just in the world, but also in the church.  Not just the young couples either, but also those that are entering their second marriages later in life."

"Today, I will share with you what I share with the couples (particularly the ladies) that come through the Marriage Preparation class my husband and I teach.

(1) You can’t “try out” commitment.  That is a completely ironic rationalization.  Couples think they can “try out” this marriage thing by living together, but that doesn’t work because marriage is about more than sharing an address, or expenses, or a bed.  Marriage at its core is all about the commitment.

(2) Your needs are important too.  Do you know what the top need of women typically is in a marriage?  Security.  Commitment.  These are the deep desires of our hearts as women that draws us to look for that man to share our lives with.  His top needs?  Physical responsiveness, companionship, domestic support (yes, he needs someone to help him keep a home.  If you need evidence, head to the nearest bachelor’s pad).  A living-together relationship is more likely to meet his needs than yours.

(3) It sets a norm for selfish living.  This was very evident in my relationship, particularly on my side of things.  I relished in my independence as a young woman…my career, my calendar, my friends, my choices.  I didn’t need to consult my boyfriend on these things, even when we were living together.  But my husband?  Well, he expected to be consulted, or at the very least be considered.  A successful marriage means considering your spouse above yourself.  Being willing to make selfLESS decisions, and this is not the culture created in most living-together relationships.

(4) You shouldn’t have to “earn” the ring.  And that is how many girls are left feeling.  Marriage requires unconditional love, but living together creates a performance-based love.  Be a good girlfriend.  Do all the wife-like duties.  Don’t be too much of a nag or a bore or let your body lose it shape.  And maybe he’ll decide you are good enough for the real deal.

(5) You are more valuable than that.  What happens when the man decides not to marry the live-in girlfriend?  She starts to questions her value.  “Why am I good enough to live with, but not good enough to marry?”  Start thinking that you are TOO valuable to just live with.  Beyonce had it right.  If he likes it, then he should put a ring on it!  You are worth that.  If he doesn’t think so, then he isn’t worth it.

(6) If you want God’s favor, you’ve got to follow God’s ways.  Bottomline…living together is sinful.  I don’t say that is a judging way, but instead as one who has had to go through a journey of realization and repentance for my own sinful choices.  We watch as each of these couples come through our class looking for God’s favor on their marriage.  They don’t want their marriage to go the way of the world, to a miserable existence or to end in divorce, yet they are following the world’s way into marriage.  If you want God’s favor, you’ve got to follow God’s ways.

If we were to put our rational thinking caps on for a moment and consider that deciding to cohabitate with our man before marriage would lead to a lower level of marital satisfaction and put us at a much higher risk for divorce, is that the decision we would make?

No.  Of course not.

Except we do.  And why do we?  Because we think that we are different.  That we are more in love than the couples those statistics talk about.  That our situation is different.

Take it from a girl who had to walk a painful road, and only by God’s grace, isn’t one of those statistics.

You really want to be different?  Make the better choice and wait."

This post was NOT written by  me (Wendiss Star). I have never been married or lived with a man. This post was written by Danielle and you can check her website out at http://fancylittlethings.com/ 

Relationship Problems

By Wendiss Star

         Relationships 101

                                                         

              Nowadays everyone wants to be in a relationship! People cannot wait to enter a relationship just so they can CHANGE their facebook status from single to in a relationship. When you log onto facebook the first thing you see is so and so is in a relationship. When you log onto instagram, depending on what day it is, a man or woman is usually posting a picture of their girlfriend or boyfriend for MCM (Man Crush Monday) or WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday). Please understand I am not bashing folks who publicize their relationship via FB, IG TWITTER, and SNAPCHAT etc. However, I would like to suggest that SOCIAL MEDIA is a major problem within relationships today.  Relationships today are NOT “real” if they are not on social media. Consequently, many men and women lack STUBANSTANCE in their relationships and try to find it through social media by how MANY likes and comments they received. I would love to know how we ended up getting so comfortable with posting everything on social media, especially are relationships! 

Since we use social media for most things, I reached out to folks on social media. I asked folks    WHAT ARE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS WITH RELATIONSHIPS TODAY?

Here’s what folks said…

Insecurity

People RUSH it!

There is no getting to know you stage anymore, people enter relationships based off of attraction.

Lack of Boundaries.

Lack of Trust & respect

Lack of communication

Miscommunication

Lack of accountability

Temptation

Lack of ((PRAYER))).

Lack of reading God's word.

Social media i.e. emojis used by others to comment on ppl in relationships photos...also with the #wcw and #mcm tags some individuals feel insecure if they aren't posted about frequently on the other half’s page

Unrealistic expectations

Improper use of social media

Selfishness

Jumping into a relationship without seeking God first

Forcing the relationship

Not accepting a person flaws

Not Christ-Driven

No Strong Foundation

Honesty/Transparency

Forgiveness and Authenticity are lacking

Loyalty doesn’t exist anymore

Moving in together while dating

1.SOCIAL MEDIA!

2.FAITHFULNESS!

3.LUST!

4.PATIENCE!

5.PREMATURE INTIMACY!

6.God's TIMING!

        Thank you to everyone who took time out to share his or her response. I agree with every response 100%!

The last six responses I added in and those are the ones I will focus on. One thing that I will say is that ALL the responses I received intertwine, connect and have common characteristics with the six I am going to focus on.

       Even though I already touched on social media a little bit, I have a few more things to put on your radar. PLEASE stop telling social media everything about your relationship. Your relationship is YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Everybody and their momma do not need to know you and your man’s business. Learn to keep some stuff to yourself and think of it as a means of protecting your relationship. Every outing does not need to be publicized. Every kiss does not need to be captured on camera and then posted five minutes later. Every time yall break up and make up is between yall. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people cannot post about their relationships via social media. I am not the relationship social media police. All I am trying to suggest is that we should not use social media as a vehicle to show off our relationships or to add substance to our relationships.

             Now on to the subject of  FAITHFULNESS. Faithfulness is a major issue within relationships today. Speaking from personal experience I have had many men try to pursue me while they are currently in a relationship. Sadly, many women including myself are guilty or have been guilty of not respecting another woman’s relationship with a man. With that being said, we need to understand that being faithful is extremely VITAL to a healthy relationship. Many people have different definitions of what it means to be faithful. Depending on whom you are talking to, some people might think it is perfectly fine to kiss someone as long as it did not reach sex. Now in my opinion, kissing another person you are not with is NOT being faithful. My personal definition of what is means to be faithful is a man or woman only has eyes for his or her other half. Does that mean they are blind and cannot see someone they find attractive? NO. Does that mean they will not be tempted to flirt with another person? NO. Does that mean they cannot talk to a person of the opposite sex? NO. ALL it simply means is that when the temptation comes, and trust me it will come, they will not be shaken by it and will be FAITHFUL to the ONE they choose to be with.

          There is so much I could say about lust and how it can damage a relationship because LUST is such a biggie. LUST is no joke so please do not play around with it. The one thing I see a lot of couples do now is call LUST…LOVE. There is a big difference between lust and love. Lust says I do not care about waiting to marriage to enjoy the gift of sex. Lust says I want you now. Love says because I LOVE Jesus, myself and you, I will wait to enjoy the gift of sex. Love says you are worth waiting for. Lust STEALS, while love GIVES. The only way to experience victory in this area of your relationship is to KILL lust at the root. Take my word for it; if you do not kill lust in your relationship, it will destroy the relationship eventually. In 2 Timothy 2:22 it says, "Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the name of the Lord with pure hearts." On that note, RUN FROM LUST, dont stick around and see what happens!

          Likewise, patience is another biggie in relationships today or should I say lack of patience. If you enter into a relationship impatiently, you will continue to be impatient throughout the relationship. It takes great patience to truly get to know a person. Lack of patience in relationships makes people feel closer than what they really are. Lack of patience rushes intimacy. Lack of patience leads to a man and woman getting engaged prematurely. In a nutshell, LACK OF PATIENCE is lethal to a relationship. If you desire to have a healthy relationship you need to start practicing patience.

          In the same way, premature intimacy is lethal to a relationship just like lack of patience. In my opinion, PREMATURE INTIMACY is the most dangerous out of all them. The reason I feel that premature intimacy is dangerous is because it gives people a FALSE sense of closeness and deceives couples.  Premature intimacy includes having sex outside of marriage, saying I love you too soon etc. A lot of people are in premature relationships and it has led to premature intimacy. Speaking from personal experience I know how hard it is to stop having sex outside of marriage in a relationship. We must understand that no matter how good the physical aspect of the relationship feels, if it is outside of what God says, then it’s destroying the relationship. The only way to have victory in this aspect of your relationship is to be HONEST with yourself, the person your with and The Lord.    

         Lastly, God’s TIMING is the most important factor in a relationship. One of my favorite authors, Joshua Harris said, “ The RIGHT thing, at the WRONG TIME, is still the WRONG thing” in his book Boy Meets Girl. It is important to understand that even if we are in a relationship with the person we love, IF it is not God’s timing…IT WILL NOT WORK! A lot of us have a problem with God’s timing so we take it upon ourselves to act as a god in our own lives. If you do not take anything away from this post, PLEASEEEEEEEEE take this…The same God who created the earth and formed you in your mothers womb, can and will give you a relationship at the RIGHT TIME! So if you are currently in a relationship and know it is not God’s timing, LET IT GO! If you are single, don’t worry, enjoy your season of singleness and allow The Lord to complete his work in you. 

Bye bye unhealthy relationships....Hello HEALTHY relationships.

 Please, Please, Please leave comments if you agree or disagree or just want to share your own experience!

Introduction

CAUTION  

The whole purpose of this blog is to ENCOURAGE, EDIFY & ESTEEM men and women in the body of Christ and outside the body. Will some folks be offended? Yes! Will some folks get upset? Yes! Will some folks feel convicted? Yes! PLEASE understand that my goal is not to tear people down or hurt their feelings. HOWEVER, the truth is not always nice and sometimes God has to tear down our bad habits, attitudes and behaviors in order to build our character. So, if you feel offended, upset, or convicted…ask yourself one question: “Lord, are you trying to tell me something?”  

The primary topics will be love, purity, singleness, and relationships.  I have noticed that one of the number one problems in the church and outside the church are HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. A lot of us struggle with what it means to be in a healthy relationship. We struggle with being content in our singleness. We struggle with having sex outside of marriage. Lets just say the struggle is REAL on every level. So, to open up I want to share one of my favorite poems by JANETTE...IKZ. 

IF you ever have questions, want prayer or want to share your testimony PLEASE shareeeeeeee. I love to read comments and receive feedback. SO do not hesitate to leave comments or give feedback.

My prayer is that someone would be helped and that The Lord would get ALL the glory. 

Thanks for Reading and Watching.