Relationship Problems

By Wendiss Star

         Relationships 101

                                                         

              Nowadays everyone wants to be in a relationship! People cannot wait to enter a relationship just so they can CHANGE their facebook status from single to in a relationship. When you log onto facebook the first thing you see is so and so is in a relationship. When you log onto instagram, depending on what day it is, a man or woman is usually posting a picture of their girlfriend or boyfriend for MCM (Man Crush Monday) or WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday). Please understand I am not bashing folks who publicize their relationship via FB, IG TWITTER, and SNAPCHAT etc. However, I would like to suggest that SOCIAL MEDIA is a major problem within relationships today.  Relationships today are NOT “real” if they are not on social media. Consequently, many men and women lack STUBANSTANCE in their relationships and try to find it through social media by how MANY likes and comments they received. I would love to know how we ended up getting so comfortable with posting everything on social media, especially are relationships! 

Since we use social media for most things, I reached out to folks on social media. I asked folks    WHAT ARE SOME OF THE PROBLEMS WITH RELATIONSHIPS TODAY?

Here’s what folks said…

Insecurity

People RUSH it!

There is no getting to know you stage anymore, people enter relationships based off of attraction.

Lack of Boundaries.

Lack of Trust & respect

Lack of communication

Miscommunication

Lack of accountability

Temptation

Lack of ((PRAYER))).

Lack of reading God's word.

Social media i.e. emojis used by others to comment on ppl in relationships photos...also with the #wcw and #mcm tags some individuals feel insecure if they aren't posted about frequently on the other half’s page

Unrealistic expectations

Improper use of social media

Selfishness

Jumping into a relationship without seeking God first

Forcing the relationship

Not accepting a person flaws

Not Christ-Driven

No Strong Foundation

Honesty/Transparency

Forgiveness and Authenticity are lacking

Loyalty doesn’t exist anymore

Moving in together while dating

1.SOCIAL MEDIA!

2.FAITHFULNESS!

3.LUST!

4.PATIENCE!

5.PREMATURE INTIMACY!

6.God's TIMING!

        Thank you to everyone who took time out to share his or her response. I agree with every response 100%!

The last six responses I added in and those are the ones I will focus on. One thing that I will say is that ALL the responses I received intertwine, connect and have common characteristics with the six I am going to focus on.

       Even though I already touched on social media a little bit, I have a few more things to put on your radar. PLEASE stop telling social media everything about your relationship. Your relationship is YOUR RELATIONSHIP. Everybody and their momma do not need to know you and your man’s business. Learn to keep some stuff to yourself and think of it as a means of protecting your relationship. Every outing does not need to be publicized. Every kiss does not need to be captured on camera and then posted five minutes later. Every time yall break up and make up is between yall. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying people cannot post about their relationships via social media. I am not the relationship social media police. All I am trying to suggest is that we should not use social media as a vehicle to show off our relationships or to add substance to our relationships.

             Now on to the subject of  FAITHFULNESS. Faithfulness is a major issue within relationships today. Speaking from personal experience I have had many men try to pursue me while they are currently in a relationship. Sadly, many women including myself are guilty or have been guilty of not respecting another woman’s relationship with a man. With that being said, we need to understand that being faithful is extremely VITAL to a healthy relationship. Many people have different definitions of what it means to be faithful. Depending on whom you are talking to, some people might think it is perfectly fine to kiss someone as long as it did not reach sex. Now in my opinion, kissing another person you are not with is NOT being faithful. My personal definition of what is means to be faithful is a man or woman only has eyes for his or her other half. Does that mean they are blind and cannot see someone they find attractive? NO. Does that mean they will not be tempted to flirt with another person? NO. Does that mean they cannot talk to a person of the opposite sex? NO. ALL it simply means is that when the temptation comes, and trust me it will come, they will not be shaken by it and will be FAITHFUL to the ONE they choose to be with.

          There is so much I could say about lust and how it can damage a relationship because LUST is such a biggie. LUST is no joke so please do not play around with it. The one thing I see a lot of couples do now is call LUST…LOVE. There is a big difference between lust and love. Lust says I do not care about waiting to marriage to enjoy the gift of sex. Lust says I want you now. Love says because I LOVE Jesus, myself and you, I will wait to enjoy the gift of sex. Love says you are worth waiting for. Lust STEALS, while love GIVES. The only way to experience victory in this area of your relationship is to KILL lust at the root. Take my word for it; if you do not kill lust in your relationship, it will destroy the relationship eventually. In 2 Timothy 2:22 it says, "Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the name of the Lord with pure hearts." On that note, RUN FROM LUST, dont stick around and see what happens!

          Likewise, patience is another biggie in relationships today or should I say lack of patience. If you enter into a relationship impatiently, you will continue to be impatient throughout the relationship. It takes great patience to truly get to know a person. Lack of patience in relationships makes people feel closer than what they really are. Lack of patience rushes intimacy. Lack of patience leads to a man and woman getting engaged prematurely. In a nutshell, LACK OF PATIENCE is lethal to a relationship. If you desire to have a healthy relationship you need to start practicing patience.

          In the same way, premature intimacy is lethal to a relationship just like lack of patience. In my opinion, PREMATURE INTIMACY is the most dangerous out of all them. The reason I feel that premature intimacy is dangerous is because it gives people a FALSE sense of closeness and deceives couples.  Premature intimacy includes having sex outside of marriage, saying I love you too soon etc. A lot of people are in premature relationships and it has led to premature intimacy. Speaking from personal experience I know how hard it is to stop having sex outside of marriage in a relationship. We must understand that no matter how good the physical aspect of the relationship feels, if it is outside of what God says, then it’s destroying the relationship. The only way to have victory in this aspect of your relationship is to be HONEST with yourself, the person your with and The Lord.    

         Lastly, God’s TIMING is the most important factor in a relationship. One of my favorite authors, Joshua Harris said, “ The RIGHT thing, at the WRONG TIME, is still the WRONG thing” in his book Boy Meets Girl. It is important to understand that even if we are in a relationship with the person we love, IF it is not God’s timing…IT WILL NOT WORK! A lot of us have a problem with God’s timing so we take it upon ourselves to act as a god in our own lives. If you do not take anything away from this post, PLEASEEEEEEEEE take this…The same God who created the earth and formed you in your mothers womb, can and will give you a relationship at the RIGHT TIME! So if you are currently in a relationship and know it is not God’s timing, LET IT GO! If you are single, don’t worry, enjoy your season of singleness and allow The Lord to complete his work in you. 

Bye bye unhealthy relationships....Hello HEALTHY relationships.

 Please, Please, Please leave comments if you agree or disagree or just want to share your own experience!

Introduction

CAUTION  

The whole purpose of this blog is to ENCOURAGE, EDIFY & ESTEEM men and women in the body of Christ and outside the body. Will some folks be offended? Yes! Will some folks get upset? Yes! Will some folks feel convicted? Yes! PLEASE understand that my goal is not to tear people down or hurt their feelings. HOWEVER, the truth is not always nice and sometimes God has to tear down our bad habits, attitudes and behaviors in order to build our character. So, if you feel offended, upset, or convicted…ask yourself one question: “Lord, are you trying to tell me something?”  

The primary topics will be love, purity, singleness, and relationships.  I have noticed that one of the number one problems in the church and outside the church are HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. A lot of us struggle with what it means to be in a healthy relationship. We struggle with being content in our singleness. We struggle with having sex outside of marriage. Lets just say the struggle is REAL on every level. So, to open up I want to share one of my favorite poems by JANETTE...IKZ. 

IF you ever have questions, want prayer or want to share your testimony PLEASE shareeeeeeee. I love to read comments and receive feedback. SO do not hesitate to leave comments or give feedback.

My prayer is that someone would be helped and that The Lord would get ALL the glory. 

Thanks for Reading and Watching.